okay pat passed out under dana's car
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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