also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
