Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
