FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize