My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
