Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
