dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
