I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
