That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
