Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
