so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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