my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Randomize
