My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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