naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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