You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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