I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
