I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
