I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize