easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
