I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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