I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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