Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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