What a fucking waste of an outfit
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
