how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
