May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
