oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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