ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
