we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
