what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
