I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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