I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
