please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
