Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
