It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
