She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
