Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
