do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
