sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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