They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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