someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
