Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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