I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
