You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
