Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
