Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
