the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
