Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We're too hungover to prance.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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