Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
