Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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