the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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