Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
