If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
