I've blown a few things in my day
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
