My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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