He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
