ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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