That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
