Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
