She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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