It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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