The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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