We're facebook friends in real life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
