At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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