Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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