she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
