the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
