The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A+ Viking dick
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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