Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
