I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
