I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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