her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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