She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
