They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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