When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
