u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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