i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
