You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
time to smoke my breakfast
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
